Walking Between Worlds: Episode V

A summary from the podcast Walking Between Worlds. Listen now from your favorite podcast app.

Navigating Relationships in a Cross-Cultural Context

Guest: Mark Hedinger, Executive Director of CultureBound.

CultureBound is one of many culture training companies. The difference is that CultureBound understands culture training in the realm of relationships. The idea of culture training in the context of relationships started with a theological study of the trinity. God is three persons, Father, Son, and Spirit, but he is one.

That means relationships.

The Father, Son, and Spirit have a way of interrelating with each other and people. We were not created to be that person living on an island all by ourselves; we need each other. CultureBound looks at relationships as a theological idea and as a social concept of how people relate to one another. There are different kinds of relationships, one of those being casual. An example would be your interaction with the mail carrier. Another type of relationship is more personal, like co-workers or classmates.

CultureBound also understands relationships as a way to walk into interaction with another culture. We give people the tools to build excellent relationships with people in another language and culture. Relational training asks the question, "how do people interact?" or "how do they understand the rules of what's appropriate?" Another essential factor is the question of morality, what is right, and what is wrong. The answers to those questions can shift from one culture to another and even from one generation to another.

Everyone has a picture in their mind of what is an appropriate relationship.

There's a relationship between men and men, which are probably different than most relationships between men and women. These are the accepted cultural rules for how people are supposed to get along. A big part of building relationships, or even being effective in another culture, is to realize that in one setting, there are specific rules. While, in another setting, the rules can be different. For example, specific topics in one setting are appropriate to talk about, but in another setting, the same topics are inappropriate to discuss. In Cuban culture, greetings for close friends who are women is an "air" kiss on the right cheek. A male would greet another close male with a handshake and a left-handed shoulder hug. With many parts of American culture, both groups greet with handshakes. Only really close friends greet with an embrace of any sort. CultureBound trains people to understand what the culture's rules are for good relationships to be developed.

A well-known textbook, Diversity Competence, says, "I am like nobody else. I am like some other people. I am like everybody else." In terms of relationships, we are all individuals. We all have our likes and dislikes, our comfortable patterns, our personalities, and basic human needs. In this sense, we are like everybody else, but in the middle of those extremes is culture. That is how who I am, relates to who you are. If we can figure out who I am, I can figure out who you are. Then we can find out how to build a bridge and relate to one another. No matter what culture you enter, personal likes and dislikes will remain consistent. That is why people are different. Yet other personal values might shift over time, depending on the context.

CultureBound has an exercise called Core and Flex. We examine the elements of each person. Some parts are so integral to the person that if those elements disappear or change, then they cease to be who they are known to be. If a person lives in the same place their entire life, they might not be aware that those even exist because those elements are never challenged. They can be challenged when that person interacts with groups different from them. At that point, parts of that person's culture are challenged. There will be a moment of decision as to whether particular things being challenged are allowed or not allowed. This process is the beginning of learning to flex. There are parts of culture that are adaptable, and others that are a core part of the culture. Therefore, when examining differences between people, some elements are core and won't change while other parts are flexible and can change. Building relationships between different cultures demand some flexibility to relate to people who are different.

The first episode of the podcast addressed CultureBound's emphasis on everything coming from a foundation of building relationships. It is easy to have a friendship with a person that shares your passion and does similar activities — for example, going to the theater. We know the kinds of movies that you can invite a friend to watch with you. But when entering into another culture, you don't know what films would be appropriate to watch with a friend. There are social norms that are not always intuitive, and there are many questions of appropriateness that arise. Often the natural human reaction is to back away from such relationships since appropriate and accepted behaviors are not known. We regularly meet new encounters with hostility and fear.

So, when we enter into a culture that we are unfamiliar with, we often approach the whole process of building relationships with fear and worry about whether we are going to act right.

Yet exerting the effort to learn the culture is often met with approval and grace, even when mistakes are made. Think of how many times Jesus got into socially tricky situations. For example, Jesus was not supposed to be sitting at that well talking with that woman from the Samaritan people. She was an outcast even amongst her people and was of questionable character. The woman at the well knew that Jesus should not be talking to her, and yet He knew she needed to speak to him. Due to that conversation, she became a witness for Jesus, and many came to know Jesus as a result. There are risks to engaging in relationships in socially dangerous situations, but it is worth it. Almost always, you will find good-natured people around you who are willing to coach you.

When more than one culture is present, all the cultures can be known in part. Yet there needs to be care in distinguishing between one's home culture and then other distinct cultures that live side by side. If everyone has a learner's attitude, it makes the process of learning each other's culture much easier.

In our current age, there are a lot of people that connect. Social media gives the illusion of friendships with all these people. However, the idea of getting to know all these people on an equally intimate level is unrealistic. While God, the infinite, can know all His creation, humans are limited in our ability to build relationships. Studies have shown that the average person only has between three and five close intimate friendships. These people know us inside and out. They can predict how we will respond to a situation. The next group of connections is between six and fifteen. We interact with these people several times a week. We have conversations with them, and know each other well, but not as deep as the group of intimates. The next group of relationships is between twenty and 100 people. We recognize them by name and know some things about them, but not everything.

Social media allows people to have connections without necessarily having friendships. There is a range of possibilities of relationships, but everyone can't be put into the intimate relationship category. It would cause nervous breakdowns.

Intercultural relationships become even more complicated when considering the standard for what makes an intimate relationship. It can differ from culture to culture, though people in close relationship groups will most likely be a part of the same culture. One exception is those who are raised in more than once culture. Missionary kids, military kids (BRATS), TCKs (Third Culture Kids) are examples of this group. They are more comfortable building relationships with those who aren't from only one culture, even if those cultures are entirely different.

The benefits of going beyond the circle of relationships that share a similar cultural identity are personal growth and understanding of differences in humans and cultures. The process is enriching and carries with it the possibility of personal growth and increased wisdom. The perception of the world grows by engaging with other cultures.

A question for our readers.

How is life richer because you have come to understand someone else's relational patterns?

What is an example of a pattern you've experiences from someone who comes from a different culture?

What was your reaction?

If you get to know your own deep culture and patterns it makes learning other peoples' cultures and patterns easier. As a result, relationship building becomes more streamlined.

What is Walking Between Worlds?

Walking Between Worlds is a podcast hosted by CultureBound. CultureBound is a training organization that specializes in Culture and Language. This podcast focuses on the secrets of culture to enrich our interactions with others. The topics covered relate to culture and building connections with people across cultural differences, specifically as it relates to American culture in a world that is globalizing. Walking Between Worlds is about how to navigate relationships in a cross-cultural context. This is a sneak peek into the material that CultureBound covers. We also have premium content and training on our website CultureBound.org that you can take today!